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Dear Sirs/Madams,
I write respectfully, but with insistence, that you call off a particular
cloud under which i have been walking around for some weeks now.
What is most upsetting is that every time i look up at it, it appears to
have subtly changed its features, performing the most lewd and horrific
grimaces.
I do not know who has booked this cloud to perform against me in such a
malicious manner, but i fear it is beginning to affect my mental health.
Please be aware that i have contacted my solicitors (Bartle, Bartle &
Bartle) and have issued them with full instructions to pursue a claim for
compensation against you.
I trust this matter can be resolved
before dawn.
Your ever faithful servant,
Darragh Hewat www.idlefish.com
After several hours drinking a dark
cloud loomed over our two heroic adventurers in the form of a pub bouncer
named Mr.C.A.U.Wanker who preceded to evict the non-contactlensacled hero
while his good companion followed on. During the aftermath of this
abomination to all mankind (and pissheads) said myopic hero was dashed to
the pavement sustaining life threatening (bouncers life) injuries to
eyebrow ridge and leg. I pray that the above mentioned dark cloud was not
hired out by your good selves, as if this was so certain steps involving
sawn-off shotguns and the like, will be taken.
The
non-contactlensacled one
We
will remove all clouds hovering above anyone who has suffered the death of
a loved one.
quincy@deathleague.com
Re: Cloudkissing. Are tongues
allowed? If so, would lightening follow?
Suzy
You lot are brilliant. I can't
remember last time I enjoyed a website so much.
Gina
I'm at school at the moment. I'm meant to be researching Kenya for geog.
love (the blonde bimbo)
sammy www.blondesontheweb.com
Very interested in the Plaque of Frogs especially laundering
money to the Cayman Islands as I have friends there. My
husband has not received his two 'Free Clouds' you promised him -
he's the one that roams around the yard with his hands in his
pockets and looks important at Richard Williams.
What about "CWMWL MAWR HYLL" I'm sure you have some
Welsh customers.
Delia Williams
Is it true that every cloud has a
silver lining?........if so when they retire do they become
grey clouds.........and when they are happy what number cloud
are they on ...........surely it can't be cloud nine like the
rest of us?????? They must be far higher than that........and
when they get high where do they go!!
Julie M.
We've noticed there are too many clouds performing
acts of gross indecency in plain view of the general public. Night
time is meant for these erotic exercises and if they do wish to
persist in their exhibitionism then maybe they should start a
porncloud.com site.
Regards
Nick & Jon (cloudlusters)
Dept. of Cloud Health
Welfare and Maintenance
To whom it may concern
It has come to the notice of this department that clouds in your
employment do not appear to have their rights in respect of
holidays and time off being honoured (EEC Directive 9,463,821
s(III)(a)(iv))
It would appear that time off from duty in the skies over Northern
Europe during the period monitored has been nil. Indeed it
would appear that not only have clouds not been taking time off but
many have been working excessive overtime.
At your earliest convenience, please forward to this Department your
company policy re time off duty for such essentials to cloud life as
routine maintenance, servicing schedules and records showing
distances travelled by clouds per shift.
Please also send examples of duty lists - working hours should not
exceed 40 hours per week with weekend breaks and
Bank Holidays being
mandatory days off (EEC Directive 9,463,821 s(III)(a)(vii) - Health
and Safety of Clouds.
Your reply is eagerly awaited.
Mrs J McCloud
Cloud Welfare Officer
I would like to buy
a cloud but you haven't shown a price guide. Is this because they are
very very expensive or just because you've got your heads in the
clouds.
No seriously; it's no wonder I haven't heard of your company before,
if you're this bad at marketing. Nobody will buy anything unless they
can see some real clouds with prices attached (humanely - you are human
aren't you?) instead of these animated ones (nice as they are.) Anyway
if you could send me that price list, it would be great.
mike.wheeler@eaglecrest-cs.com
Thank you for
forwarding the (very) detailed report provided by your Surveillance
Cloud. This information confirmed my worst suspicions and I have
recently instigated divorce proceedings. Many thanks.
P.S. I know for a fact that she wasn't at the North Pole on the day
in question (is that legal with a penguin?) I have credit card bills to
prove this, but what the hell.
From,
A (soon to be) Free Man
Dear Mr. Fluffit,
As the major shareholders in N.Ark.com we are left no option but to
register a complaint. Our doves, letters and (most recently) e-mails
have all gone unanswered. We are, by nature, patient and affable
creatures but even we have our limits. We have been perched atop this
high tree on this high mountain for far too long. Still no sign of the
promised 2nd. lifeboat.
Your earliest reply would be welcomed.
Mr.& Mrs.
Dodo.
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